on being 34. nesting. and moving forward.

it was my birthday on saturday.

one year ago i was in toronto. i turned 33. i had graduated midwifery school and was embarking on registration in canada.

it was last november that i first interviewed for the position that i now hold.

it's amazing what can happen in a year.
it's amazing what can stay the same.

but i'm here.
i'm moving forward.

in my 33rd year, i registered as a midwife in saskatchewan. i returned home. witnessed the birth of my niece and the growth of my sister and her husband as parents.

i returned home.

for the first time in more years i care to count i have a home. i pulled it off some how, but i bought a small house.

this road warrior is settling down.

man, it's been a struggle. but i have not doubted this course for one minute. i know to the core of my soul that i was meant to be exactly where i am right now.

i'm mourning the loss of a relationship. not quite accepting that it's over and still trying to overcome the impossible.

but i'm moving forward.

so what will this next year look like?

growth.
as a midwife.
as a woman.
focus on building community.
birth community.
arts community.
friendship and support community.
healing my body.
healing my heart.
creating art.
moving my body.
moving my soul.
writing.

my goal is to write more.
i've fallen off. lost focus.
not knowing how to approach this new space.

this year, my focus it break myself wide open...

this is 34.

sunday morning in bed. with an on call phone.

sunday morning lie in. coffee in bed.

on my way to a postpartum visit

the sun is shining.
it's the equinox.
time for change.

the leaves turn colours and fall.
we shed our skin. releasing all that no longer serves us.

the on call phone sits beside me.
quiet.
two mothers-to-be past their dates.

a new baby arrived a few days ago.
welcomed in our little birth centre.
bringing birthing back into the community is such a lovely thing.

so many first time mothers are choosing this option. knowing we can travel the hour into the nearest hospital if more pain relief is needed. they are trusting in their ability to safely have their babies close to home.

we may not be able to offer home birth right now. but the option we are able to provide is something that local families want.

i'm looking forward to this fall. every month we are full, with the majority of families intending to birth in the community. some are still reticent about being so far from an operating room and anesthesia. for some making that drive feels like the better option. being able to offer choice of birth place, is important.

i found where i'm supposed to be at this time.
plans for the future. but living in the present.
i bought a house. i'm building a home. i'm staying for awhile.

following this journey.