on being 34. nesting. and moving forward.

it was my birthday on saturday.

one year ago i was in toronto. i turned 33. i had graduated midwifery school and was embarking on registration in canada.

it was last november that i first interviewed for the position that i now hold.

it's amazing what can happen in a year.
it's amazing what can stay the same.

but i'm here.
i'm moving forward.

in my 33rd year, i registered as a midwife in saskatchewan. i returned home. witnessed the birth of my niece and the growth of my sister and her husband as parents.

i returned home.

for the first time in more years i care to count i have a home. i pulled it off some how, but i bought a small house.

this road warrior is settling down.

man, it's been a struggle. but i have not doubted this course for one minute. i know to the core of my soul that i was meant to be exactly where i am right now.

i'm mourning the loss of a relationship. not quite accepting that it's over and still trying to overcome the impossible.

but i'm moving forward.

so what will this next year look like?

growth.
as a midwife.
as a woman.
focus on building community.
birth community.
arts community.
friendship and support community.
healing my body.
healing my heart.
creating art.
moving my body.
moving my soul.
writing.

my goal is to write more.
i've fallen off. lost focus.
not knowing how to approach this new space.

this year, my focus it break myself wide open...

this is 34.

sunday morning in bed. with an on call phone.

sunday morning lie in. coffee in bed.

on my way to a postpartum visit

the sun is shining.
it's the equinox.
time for change.

the leaves turn colours and fall.
we shed our skin. releasing all that no longer serves us.

the on call phone sits beside me.
quiet.
two mothers-to-be past their dates.

a new baby arrived a few days ago.
welcomed in our little birth centre.
bringing birthing back into the community is such a lovely thing.

so many first time mothers are choosing this option. knowing we can travel the hour into the nearest hospital if more pain relief is needed. they are trusting in their ability to safely have their babies close to home.

we may not be able to offer home birth right now. but the option we are able to provide is something that local families want.

i'm looking forward to this fall. every month we are full, with the majority of families intending to birth in the community. some are still reticent about being so far from an operating room and anesthesia. for some making that drive feels like the better option. being able to offer choice of birth place, is important.

i found where i'm supposed to be at this time.
plans for the future. but living in the present.
i bought a house. i'm building a home. i'm staying for awhile.

following this journey.

after the exam

it's a drizzly sunday morning. perfect for writing.

i've been m.i.a. for the last bit.

why?

living life. settling in. working hard. and planting my garden!

that last bit, some will know is true happiness for this vegabond. when you move around as much as i have, a garden isn't possible.

roots. i've planted roots!
****
work.

i'm loving the "job".

i get paid, so i guess we will call it that. but when it's your weekend and you can't wait to get back to work, you know you've done something right.

i wanted to do a big post on the career fair i went to, but i never took photos of my booth, so...
but yes, i went to a career fair at one of the local schools. there were lots of other, definitely more career related booths, but i was the lady handing out condoms and information on sexual health and STI's.

births.

one of the most exciting happenings is that we have had our first birth in our new little birthing unit!

finally women who chose, can give birth without having to drive the additional hour to the city. we are already getting calls from women an hour + away about wanting to birth with us. i hope the hospital is saving their pennies to hire another midwife!

overall births have come in spurts, with a lull in between. a much slower pace then what i'm used to, and something that i'm not minding. i've been granted privileges at the hospital in the city and am getting all of those small details slowly worked out.

this fall is shaping up to be busy. and exciting. i can't wait until we transition into attending most of our births in our community hospital. it's wonderful that the family doctors are so supportive. we have a few that worked in rural scotland, so they are used to midwife-led birthing units. and the younger doctors, well they are eager to learn.

the exam.

this is the big one.
on thursday i wrote the national midwifery exam.
now to wait for the results. 5-6 weeks. bleurg.

failure is not an option.

the future is wide open, but the present moment is filled with clarity and all the rewards i could have ever imagined after this long journey to becoming a midwife. the fact that i returned to where i grew up, after all the travelling i've done, all the places i've been, the fact that i have returned, and feel at peace. i'm not sure there is anything better than that.

until next time...